


in my heart (it's only you)

by yananism



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, better late than never, but soonyoung is sad and dumb, i forgot i even wrote this, insecure hoshi, jihoon is whipped and not having any of it, lapslock, soft woozi, sorry no other members are mentioned, thanks era, theyre cute tho, yeah i wrote this two years ago or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24418222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yananism/pseuds/yananism
Summary: jihoon just wants soonyoung to see just how beautiful he really is
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 71





	in my heart (it's only you)

when jihoon walked into soonyoung and his’ shared room at one in the morning, he didn’t know what to expect. he figured soonyoung would already be sleeping since dance practice ended not too long ago. jihoon planned to take a shower to get rid of the sweat that stubbornly clung to his skin. as he approached their bathroom, he swore that he heard a soft sniffle come from the other side. he pressed his ear to the door. the sobs emitting from their throat were increasing and _wait are they talking to themselves?_

“god, they’re all right. i’m nothing. i’m so stupid and ugly and i can’t do anything right.”

jihoon knew that voice. he’d still recognize soonyoung even if you blindfolded him and cut off his ears. jihoon felt his heart break at the words that slipped from his roommate’s ~~(read: crush)~~ lips. 

~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~

“soonyoung? is that you?” jihoon asks with a soft tone, a knock on the door to announce his presence. 

soonyoung practically leaps to his feet and wipes vigorously at his eyes to stop his tears from falling, “yeah, ji. it’s me. hold on, i’m almost done.”

jihoon rests his forehead against the cool surface, “are you okay? it sounded like you were crying.” 

he hears soonyoung turn on the faucet, “of course i’m okay, jihoon. i’m kwon soonyoung, i don’t know what sadness is.” 

but jihoon knows that that is a lie. he knows soonyoung is in there splashing water on his face to hide his red eyes and puffy cheeks. he knows soonyoung stays up every night on his phone, scrolling for hours with no breaks. he knows soonyoung pushes himself harder than he does with anyone else at dance practice. he knows soonyoung spends more time in the bathroom. he knows that soonyoung hasn’t been eating lately. soonyoung knows he’s been shutting out anyone who wants to know how he’s doing. jihoon knows. 

jihoon sucks in a breath. jihoon expected this. soonyoung never liked to show sadness because it was unlike his character. jihoon fiddles with the doorknob and is surprised to find it unlocked. he thanks the gods above for soonyoung's forgetfulness. jihoon wastes no time and quickly sneaks in and shuts the door behind him. if jihoon’s heart wasn’t already broken, it definitely was now. 

his roommate was hunched over the sink with his hands buried into his face. his shoulders were shaking. jihoon silently counts to himself to keep in time with soonyoung's breathing. _one, two, one, two, one, two._ jihoon places a gentle hand on the small of soonyoung’s back, the older boy jumping and letting out a gasp. he turns around and jihoon swears he’s never seen soonyoung look so sad. 

soonyoung’s eyes are dull and glassy, his usual shining brown orbs now faded into a murky color. his lips are swollen and wet with spit, probably from biting on them for too long. soonyoung’s round cheeks are stained with dried tears. jihoon stumbles back, taken aback by the sight. jihoon could hardly recognize the boy standing in front of him. jihoon frowns, coming back to his senses and stepping forward to meet soonyoung halfway in the crowded bathroom. jihoon doesn't even bat an eye when soonyoung shakes his head and steps back. 

“soonyoung, baby. what’s wrong?”

soonyoung is silent. but jihoon waits. soonyoung looks down at the floor before looking back up at jihoon. jihoon can see soonyoung swallow the lump in his throat as if it would erase his sadness and make jihoon forget. jihoon doesn't budge and soonyoung can see his own reflection in jihoon's eyes. and just like that, soonyoung comes undone. the string that was holding him together was cut and now he was falling apart right in front of jihoon’s eyes. soonyoung crumpled to the tiled floor as sobs wrack from his exhausted body, words carelessly wrench their way out of soonyoung’s throat. 

jihoon panics. “jesus, soonyoung, slow down. what’s wrong? talk to me, i’m right here.”

soonyoung looks up at jihoon through his eyelashes and jihoon thinks he still looks beautiful. jihoon crouches down to soonyoung's level on the floor, ignoring how his back came into contact with the cold, hard bath tub. jihoon ignores the soreness in his legs. 

“no. you’ll hate me if i say this.”

jihoon’s heart aches in his chest because how could soonyoung ever say that? how could he ever think that? how could someone as bright as soonyoung be hurting so much? jihoon feels his heart thump loudly in his chest, blood rushing to his ears. jihoon could never hate soonyoung. they were best friends. soonyoung always made jihoon laugh, even back when they were trainees. soonyoung wiped away his tears whenever jihoon got too stressed about the way a song was turning out and he was running out of ideas. jihoon recalls all the nights soonyoung would stop by his studio to drop off food for him before settling himself onto the couch even though jihoon knew that soonyoung thought it was uncomfortable. _soonyoung deserves the world._

jihoon shakes his head, “soonyoung, what? does that even make sense? me, hate you? i don’t think so.”

soonyoung just continues to stare up at the raven-haired man before him. he doesn’t say anything. jihoon waits for a minute. when he decides that soonyoung isn’t going to speak, jihoon does it for him.

“you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. but i’m listening. always.” 

jihoon leaves a reassuring hand on soonyoung’s shoulder before turning to the door. he’s almost out before he feels a hand on his wrist and hears a soft plea. soonyoung begs for jihoon to please, _please stay_ and jihoon would be a fool if he didn’t give in to his request. jihoon takes a seat next to soonyoung, who immediately rests his head on jihoon’s shoulder. soonyoung still is silent, which is so unlike him because if it were any other day, soonyoung would be cackling like a dolphin from a joke that he made about wonwoo and his plants. 

“i feel pathetic, ji. i feel like i’m worthless and i can’t do anything right. i feel like i’m just wasting everyone’s time. i’m ugly and dumb and i just hate myself.”

but today is different. today, jihoon is seeing a side of soonyoung he hopes he’ll never see again. he hates when soonyoung cries. he hates when soonyoung isn’t laughing. he hates when soonyoung isn’t happy. he hates when soonyoung _isn't_ soonyoung. jihoon strongly believes that soonyoung is the best person he’s ever met. he loves the way soonyoung's eyes light up whenever the managers buy them meat or when he comes up with a new idea for a dance. he loves the way soonyoung's voice sounds in the morning when he just wakes up. he just loves soonyoung. jihoon’s heart cracks loudly in his ears for the third time that night. jihoon grabs soonyoung’s hand and intertwines them. jihoon brushes back a strand of soonyoung's hair behind his ears. 

“soonyoung, that’s not true. none of it.”

soonyoung pouts his lips, “but it is, ji! even the fans have said so! i’m not even that important and-and i’m such a shitty leader. i can’t even count how many times i’ve let my team down, _our_ team down.”

soonyoung continues to ramble, but in all honestly, jihoon isn’t listening anymore. he can’t listen to these lies. soonyoung is _so beautiful_ and _so important_. why can’t soonyoung see that in himself if he sees all that in the rest of us? jihoon plays with the ring on soonyoung’s pinky and gathers the courage to say what has been locked in his heart to the boy that deserves it the most. 

_**wherever you are,  
if i could hear you, i would run to you without any second thoughts  
back then, back then**_

********

soonyoung looks at jihoon with wide eyes and asks what he’s doing. jihoon doesn’t answer. 

********

_**my young heart was only so playful back then  
when i see you smile, i felt something  
cause i never learned about this**_

********

****

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********

****

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_**i couldn’t express my feelings because i was too young  
i wanted to be your tomorrow so i lived today  
ever since the first day i saw you until now  
in my heart, it’s only you**_

********** **

********

********** **

jihoon sees soonyoung blinking up at him with furrowed eyebrows. his heart jumps at the sight. soonyoung’s tears have slowed down. jihoon smiles. 

********** **

********

********** **

_**these typical words  
i’m only saying them now  
but i hope these typical words will reach you **_

********** **

********** **

********** **

__

********** **

********** **

********** **

_**thank you, thank you, that’s all i can say  
even all the waiting, the longing  
and all of our memories ** _ ********

************** ** ** **

********** **

************** ** ** **

__

************** ** ** **

********** **

************** ** ** **

_**thank you  
thank you**_

**************** ** ** ** **

************ ** **

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soonyoung is biting his lip and jihoon knows the gears in his head are turning. he knows that his brain is trying to put together a piece of a puzzle that has always been right in front of him. jihoon's heart stops as he focuses on the dancer. nothing else really seemed to matter. time stopped whenever jihoon looked at soonyoung. jihoon burns the image of soonyoung like this into his mind. _soonyoung has always been the one in jihoon’s heart._

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_**because they’re such common words  
i was worried it wouldn’t sound sincere  
i was looking for something better than just thank you  
so i couldn’t tell you thank you**_

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************** ** ** **

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__

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_**i couldn’t express my feelings  
because i wasn’t brave enough  
if only i knew love a little earlier  
ever since the first day i saw you until now  
in my heart, it’s only you** _ ********

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************** ** ** **

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__

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************** ** ** **

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_**these typical words  
i’m only saying them now  
but i hope these typical words will reach you** _ ********

************************ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************** ** ** **

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

__

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************** ** ** **

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_**thank you, thank you, that’s all i can say  
how to wait and what love is  
you taught me all ******_

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************** ** ** **

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__

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************** ** ** **

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_**thank you  
thank you**_

******************_********** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************** ** ** ** **

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soonyoung’s eyes could tell whole stories. it holds truth and hopes and dreams. his eyes tell the story of how hoshi came to be and how he fell in love with dancing at seven years old. soonyoung's eyes can tell the story of how he walked into jihoon's life and how jihoon knew he loved him right there. that’s just how beautiful soonyoung really is. soonyoung's complexion is so bright that even the sun can’t compare to it. jihoon thought it was cliché to say that soonyoung was the brightest star, but jihoon couldn’t think of any other way to describe him. jihoon can stare into soonyoung’s eyes for hours. he feels himself getting lost in its twinkle and jihoon swears he falls deeper into soonyoung each time. 

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************** ** ** **

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_**my heart won’t ever change, it won’t ever change  
even if you erase me  
we won’t change  
because we’re engraved in each other’s hearts  
(engraved)**_

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__

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_**thank you  
thank you** _ ********

******************_************** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**************** ** ** ** **

******************_************** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

__

******************_************** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

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_**i hope this reaches you, this song** _ ****

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__

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_**thank you  
thank you **_

******************_********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

************__** ** ** ** ** **

******************_********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** _ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

jihoon glances at their intertwined fingers and suddenly, a huge weight is lifted off his shoulders. soonyoung hums the tune to their latest comeback and jihoon can’t help but blush at how close they are. their shoulders are pressed together and he can practically feel soonyoung's breath on his neck. jihoon's back is digging into the outside of the bathub, the cold seeping into his thin t-shirt, but jihoon swears that he could stay like this forever. jihoon listens to soonyoung's breathing and he exhales a sigh of relief when he realizes soonyoung is no longer crying. jihoon threads his free hand into his roommate's hair as soonyoung curls himself closer into jihoon's warmth. the silence is broken as soonyoung clears his throat to whisper into jihoon's ear. 

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soonyoung frowns, “i don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

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of course he doesn’t. jihoon rolls his eyes. soonyoung could be so dumb sometimes. 

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“you’re so beautiful, kwon soonyoung. i don’t know where you got the idea that you aren’t important or you’re not talented, but you’re wrong about that.”

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soonyoung doesn’t seem to believe jihoon at all. his free hand is in his lap, drawing patterns on his thigh and looking everywhere but at jihoon. jihoon ignores the sting in his chest. 

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jihoon pushes further, “you probably don’t believe me but i promise you that i’m saying the truth. i’ll say it a million times everyday if it means i’ll see your smile again. _god_ , soonyoung, what else can i say to make you realize that?”

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************__** ** ** ** ** **

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something must have snapped in jihoon because suddenly, tears are painting his face and soonyoung is wrapped up impossibly closer into his smaller frame. soonyoung snakes an arm around jihoon's waist and jihoon feels a large, strong hand settle at his back as soonyoung's other hand cups jihoon's face. jihoon turns red under soonyoung's gaze, but he doesn't look away. soonyoung only wipes jihoon's tears away.

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“i believe you,” soonyoung whispers into jihoon’s neck, pressing a feather-light kiss to his ear.

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shivers ran down jihoon’s spine. soonyoung pulls away from the hug and stands up, tugging at jihoon’s fingers to pull him up with him. jihoon wipes away the last of soonyoung’s tears and relishes in the way that soonyoung sinks into his touch. jihoon knows soonyoung understands now. 

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“i love you, kwon soonyoung. you understand that, don’t you?”

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************__** ** ** ** ** **

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soonyoung nods in agreement and playfully hits jihoon’s arm, the sound of soonyoung’s laughter filling his ears. jihoon promises that he'll do anything to keep soonyoung happy.

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“i love you too, lee jihoon.”

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************__** ** ** ** ** **

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and with that, jihoon leans up on his toes and presses a soft kiss to the corner of soonyoung’s mouth. soonyoung smiles wider than jihoon has ever seen before. soonyoung wraps jihoon into his arms and _spins_ him around. if it were anybody else, jihoon would have kicked them and picked up his guitar. but as soonyoung captures jihoon's lips in a kiss, jihoon hopes that soonyoung will learn to love himself the way that he loves him.

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************__** ** ** ** ** **

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**Author's Note:**

> hey, this is my first work! i actually wrote this back in june 2018, but i never got around to posting it. i kinda forgot it existed oops. this is unedited, but anyways, i hope this wasn't so shitty. feedback is welcomed! let me know what you think :) 
> 
> _  
> **happy (belated) five years crackheads <3 **  
> _  
> **  
> ******  
> 


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